My name is Rachel. I am survivor, woman, mother, warrior, friend, health professional and a poet. I am very proud to say that I am now also a poetry ambassador for the wonderful Woman’s Trust, a London based specialist mental health charity for domestic abuse recovery and healing.
Like many women who have been through domestic abuse, for a long time I did not understand what I was experiencing. I did not realise how severe things were, until after I had left. I spent a very long time trying to get through a day, survive, treading on eggshells, unsure how to leave, get to freedom, safety and bring my children with me.
I fled my own home just as the first Covid lockdown was easing in July 2020 with just two bags and my daughter. It was my own house that I fled, I had paid every penny for it and I never got to go back and collect my things. I remember how clear I felt in the moment of leaving, a memory which has stayed with me until this day. I had been in an abusive relationship for 24 years, so the journey from that point was not an easy one, but one that I am very glad that I made.
I knew I needed support for my mental health and did not know where to turn. Luckily, once I was referred to Woman’s Trust I felt seen and understood. I felt I could finally breathe. I was then offered workshops and groups which helped me heal, reclaim myself, understand what had happened, how I can support myself and most importantly made me feel so much less alone. It is one of the best things I have ever done.
During the groups I started writing poetry again about what had happened to me, how I feel, the impact on me. I have always been a poet since I was a child, the funny thing is I don’t really know why. At school I hated studying poetry, but somehow inside me I wanted to write about things. Writing through poetry about how I felt. It really helped me to find myself and my voice. I also found that when I shared them, other people connected to the poems too.
I am now a performance poet and a published author. My debut anthology was published earlier this year – a collection of poems that tells my story of living with, leaving and recovering from domestic abuse. My hope is that it will help many people have a better understanding of domestic abuse and its impacts, especially the long-term impact on mental health. I also wrote it with other survivors in mind. I also that if they read my poems, they know that there are others just like them and that they are not alone.
Last year I had the once in a lifetime amazing opportunity to perform my poems at a Woman’s Trust conference. After this, I could not believe my luck when Woman’s Trust asked me to be their Poetry Ambassador! WOW!
Since undertaking this role, I have run two poetry workshops with Woman’s Trust. Both were fantastic experiences. One made me feel I really was helping people better understand what domestic abuse is; the other a truly special moment of survivors coming together to share, create, find their voice, and heal.
I hope to have the opportunity to do many more workshops to help raise awareness of the importance of mental health support in the context of domestic abuse and bring survivors together to use creative tools like poetry.
For anyone reading this who is experiencing abuse right now or who has left and is on their difficult journey to healing, I say the same to all of you, we are all warriors as one. We are brave beyond all measure to manage to breathe at all, to take any steps, to face the day and carry on. We are also not alone. We are many and we ARE stronger together. You have a voice inside you, and you can find it, one day you may write a poem using this voice just like me.
We are one
If we stood us thousands together
What would you see
Would you see our bright beacon
The thing we grew to break free
If we all walked across your path
What would you hear
The roar of our brave inner fighter
That fought to save our lives in fear
If we all spoke in prayer
What would you feel
The love and compassion
holding us like a golden invisible seal
If you could see inside our hearts
What would you find
Extra blood that had to flow
So we could leave cruelty behind
We are one all of us
Survivors, warriors as one
Joined together by courage and love
We earned our wings given from above