I left my home when I got married to a man I had dated for almost two years, to me everything was like a dream come true. The moment I entered his house; his mother began the coercive control. I had not even taken my shoes off. I was advised to give her my jewellery and told the ‘rules’ in the house, which included paying her money every month for a freehold house.
The stubborn Londoner in me decided to rebel. This resulted in physical and emotional abuse, threats to kill, trying to push me down the stairs whilst pregnant, poisoning my food trying to murder my baby, isolation, and starvation. I thought my husband would have my back, clearly not. My unborn child suffered pre-natal abuse (at his father’s hands) and now has special needs. I have my own medical needs, and every day is a fight to survive. Who am I? I have asked myself over and over because what we endured, I never would have deemed possible. We are not just survivors, we are fighters, warriors and unbeatable. A mother has the ability to go to the ends of the earth for her child and I WILL always do just that. God helped me, people helped me, my child helped me.
Since my experience I have vowed to help as many survivors/victims as possible, including the most vulnerable; substance misuse and mental health. You see because abuse causes pain, and people try to override this pain with a greater pain.
I have taken part in projects, voluntarily to share good knowledge and practice, to shape services for the better. I have worked with men and women in a variety of sectors, those who have offended and those who have been the victims of an offence.
As people who were victims, our lives have changed forever, yet the laws in place to protect us have not moved with the times. We need harsher punishments for those who abuse people, because we have a right to live, and that has been taken away for life. Mental prisons do not have an end date so why is there an end date to arrest someone for a historical offence? I was unable to take legal action when I had the strength to do so because of the length of time that had passed, but there is no end date to my pain.
To all survivors/victims, I would say; chin up, you are not alone. Seek help, put yourself out there, BE VULNERABLE, because there is growth in this. Do not feel bad, it’s not your fault. Step up, step out and grab life with two hands.
One of my moto’s in life; you can’t pour from an empty cup, fill yours up, right up with whatever you need. You see because the most important person who needs you, is YOU. Be kind to yourself because you have been through a lot. Love yourself, become your own best friend. People like me need people like you, you have helped me to survive and thrive.